Dust covers me, there is no way of escaping a shower tonight! I can barely walk around my house as open boxes spill out 68 years of memories my father has kept. For the last three weeks the smell of grandpa’s basement fills my nose, its in my mouth, my hair my skin! As we chip away at this mess, and what a mess, I begin to see while I am scrubbing off the stench from my body that I cannot remove it from my soul. My inner being is collecting these pictures and papers and writings and forming a new compassion for my dad. I am learning, crying, laughing, smiling, sharing, and loving.
I came upon a box that excited me! It was a box of letters my dad had written to his parents while he was in the Air Force 48 years ago! I had to be careful opening the letters, as some were written on thin paper and all of them felt fragile and precious. I treasured them.
I came across something my dad wrote that is now burned in my mind. It comes up at random times and is now a thought that is now tied to my own. It was the last line in a letter written from my dad to his father.
It read “I haven’t received any letters from you lately, please write soon.”
I don’t know of a word that would describe how I felt after reading this. I saw longing, a deep longing to be loved and noticed. A son asking his father to remember him, not to forget, to reach out and touch him as only a father can do.
I pray this every day to my Father in heaven. I know this sentence because I have written it before, in my own heart. This WAS written on my heart, but not by me. My Father in heaven who made me wrote it so that I would long for Him the way He longs for me. So that I would not be lost and always have a road back to him.
My prayer, my down on my knees hot tears falling it is hard for me to breath prayer, is for my human father to receive the letter written to him from his Father. From Jesus.
Jesus, please write soon.